As I reflect on the year that was I find that there were actually some very good things. In the midst of it all there were some great times.
So to honor 2005 I have compiled my Greatest Hits List:
1. Best Book I Read: This Too Can Be Yours by Beth Lisick
This collection of short stories made me laugh out loud. It reminded me of an earlier version of myself.
2. Best Album: State of the Ark by Ark
This is a Swedish import & I can’t get enough. Very much like Queen with kick ass rock anthems. Best track is ‘Trust is Shareware’.
3. Best Movie: Crash
I saw this in L.A. this summer with M & it left me speechless. A MUST see.
4. Best Guilty Pleasure: The L Word
I netflixed this as I was just starting my ttc journey. I was looking for anything that would showcase artificial insemination in a realistic way. (& ‘Frozen Assets’ with Shelly Long wasn’t cutting it.) But then I got hooked on the stories & I can’t wait for the new season to start.
5. Biggest Life Changing Moment: A simple realization that no matter what path I had chosen in my life I would always have ended up here now. I spent a lot of time wondering how different my life would have been if I had stayed in New York, moved to London, switched jobs in L.A.. The road not taken curiosity. Then it hit me a couple of months ago: no matter what, I would have dropped everything to come take care of GM. That was a huge thing to get. & has helped knock a few chips off the shoulder.
6. Biggest Disappointment: My return from Uganda. I had no idea that trip would affect me so much. The experience was profound and traumatic. So much so that months later I still find every possible excuse to avoid working on the documentary. I feel guilty and ashamed for not being stronger. But I have made peace with the knowledge that I will push through these issues. I will face this.
7. Greatest Mom Moments: realizing, with complete certainty, that my Mom is my truest champion. She has amazed me with her steadfast support and love. I feel, for the first time in ages, that she is doing the part of Mother. So many years I couldn’t count on her to be there & now I wouldn’t go anywhere without her. The best moment was on the drive home from my 1st IUI. She started crying in the car & kept telling me over & over how proud she was. Just what I needed to hear.
8. Best trip: Summer trip to L.A. / Vegas. This was my 1st time back to L.A. & I was so fucking nervous. But as soon as I landed & was able to just be with my old friends it was perfect. I realized that L.A. will always be a part of who I was. The people that I knew & loved there are still with me.
9. Best Medical Moment: Being told that my intracranial hypertension disorder was in remission. I spent the better part of 2004 sick and in a fog of medication. I worked at getting healthy off my meds. I found out jus before spring of 2005 that I was in the clear.
10. Best Grandmother Moment: Every morning is a great moment with her. Just the two of us, coffee and the crossword.
There are other countless memories and moments, but these are the ones that came to me easily today. I know that 2005 will always be a year that I pushed through a lot of fears.
My wish for 2006 is simple: I wish to have a child.
I won’t sugar coat it, or add anything else to the list. That is all I wish.