No.  The title is not about my possible job.  I think they may have offered it to someone else as my phone is determinedly NOT ringing. 

Well, it rang last night, and I got all excited, but it was just a straight married woman wanting to know about turkey bastering it (yes, she really did think you used a turkey baster) so that she and her husband didn’t have to get all stressed out about, you know, actually having sex.

I’m being snarky, but I actually think it’s quite sad.  I did give her lots of tips and pointers, though.  After I stopped myself from biting her head off just because she was unlucky enough NOT to be someone calling to offer me a fantastic job.

No, not that.  I rock because Klove got me guitar heros for our wii and it says so.  I rock so hard.  We both rock together.  Because she not only got me the guitar heroes, but she got me an extra guitar for it, too.  So we have a red hot career with our band, Pook.

Seriously, I am addicted to this game.  I’ve been playing it for hours almost every day.  I give Sassa the extra guitar so that I can convince her that she’s playing it, too, so that I can play it while she’s up.  I’d like you to know that I’ve beaten the game on Easy, and am now working my way through Medium.  Medium is hard as my pinky finger is apparently boneless.  Holy crap, people, I used to be a musician, I used to have to use my pinky finger for trills and quick riffs on my (rockin’, of course) bassoon.  And now it’s just boneless, lazy, slow, totally not pulling its own weight around here.

The only thing I don’t like about guitar hero is how few female rockers are represented.  I mean, there’s Heart’s Barracuda (BARRACUDA!!!) and Pat Benetar’s Hit Me With Your Best Shot.  And there’s a few in the bonus songs that you can buy.  But where’s Joan Jett?  Where’s Susan Tedeschi?  Where’s the goddammed Bonnie Raitt???  Why does there have to be such a preponderance of music that sucks lyrically and musically? (obviously I’m not counting the inclusion of Black Magic Woman or Cream’s Summer of Your Love or Pearl Jam’s Even Flow in among the suckage…) Is it too much to ask for a Guitar Hero: Fingerpickin’ Singer/Songwriters of the ’90s? 

Probably.  While I would cream my pants at the possibility of a Guitar Hero game that included Ani DiFranco, Patty Larkin, Greg Brown, Melissa Ferrick, et al (and I must admit that the irony of such a Guitar Hero game — particularly if it included Ani’s Napoleon or The Million You’ll Never Make — would considerably add to my near-sexual delight while playing that game) I doubt that such a game will make an appearance any time soon.  Alas.

So, do you rock out?  And what songs do you wish you could riff on your little white plastic guitar with the death’s head stickers?


11 thoughts on “I ROCK!!!

  1. Ok, I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about. My mind was still spinning as I was trying to figure out how some straight woman with a turkey baster got your phone number …. and then, since I don’t have a wii or even know what it is, and have never played guitar, you totally lost me. ‘Til the end about the lack of images of women rocking out. And then I wondered if you’ve seen this documentary yet? ?? Because I think you and Sassa (someday) will LOVE it:

  2. Sisterfriend, you do rock! But yeah, the music selection on GH just does not appeal to me. at. all. So geared towards the guys…and there are plenty of women who rock!


  3. The turkey baster woman is another client of my massage therapists and she was talking to my MT about her dilemma and since the MT knows that Klove and I conceived Sassa without intercourse with a man, she asked if she could pass my number on to turkey baster woman.

    Wii is a new gaming platform for Nintendo. Guitar Hero is a game where you get to use a little plastic guitar to play the guitar ro bass lines of pre-selected songs in an attempt to live out a rocker fantasy. A little like playing air guitar in front of the TV with a prop. But lots of fun.

  4. First, I already thought you ROCKED!! I have been following your blog throughout the political stuff. I found you via Role Playing with Kids (have been reading hers since the beginning) Everything you all did was awesome.

    Last week I had a play date with another mother. It was actually for our kids (my 2 year old twins, her 2 year old daughter) but she introduced me to Guitar Hero. We have a Wii and now I MUST HAVE GUITAR HERO!! My partner wants to wait for Rock Band. I don’t know if I can. I got booed off the stage during Pat Benetar and I didn’t care. I did best with Santana. Keep on ROCKIN’!!

  5. I would kill for Ani and Melissa – hell Etheridge for that matter and I don’t even love her the way I love Ani and Melissa – to be in Guitar Hero. My 18 year old guitar playing daughter would too.

  6. We have a PS3, so we had a choice between Guitar Hero III and Rock Band. We went with Rock Band because I could only imagine playing 1 song on GH3, but there are lots on RB that I love. Still no Bonnie Raitt, though, which I think is a crime.

    I also discovered that my 9 yr old really REALLY loves to sing and the 12 yr old is insanely jealous that her little sister consistently scores higher than her in that department.

    Also, the drums are really hard, even in easy mode. I can’t imagine playing them in Hard or Expert (not for a while at least).

  7. yeah, Another GH fan out there! We only have the PS2 version, which is ok, but not as smooth as yours. I’m so addicted too. We have all 4 games. GH1 is by far the easiest. I have to brag I have only 3 songs left on Expert. so go get that one if you want to feel good! The 80’s kinda sucks. GH 2 is good and GH 3 is kinda sucky as you have to do this battle from time to time to progress. So on that one I’m stuck.

    WE should rock out some night!

    BY the way, Sassa will probably figure out pretty fast she isn’t the one playing. We too did the 2 guitar thing to try to fool Sully and it just didn’t last long.

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